I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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