Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
