Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
