He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
