Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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