that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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