YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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