this boner is exhausting
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
