I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
