I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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