I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
