FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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