remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
