Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
