taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
