Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
i would one night stand the shit outta him
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
