I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
