I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
