Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Randomize
