Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
