Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
