dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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