I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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