I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
