I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
