I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Randomize
