the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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