My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
