if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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