Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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