There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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