I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
