Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize