you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Randomize
