so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
