i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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