It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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