If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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