I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
