I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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