We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
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