thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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