Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
