Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
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