She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
