she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
