U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Randomize
