I hate your face
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
