You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize