You just made me feel so damn special
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
