Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
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