was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Randomize
