I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Randomize
