Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
