i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
accomplished twins. life is a go
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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