and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
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