im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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