After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
