I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
this is an emotional support booty call
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
