the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
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