there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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