Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize