i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
