Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
