Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
