im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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