i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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